CHILDREN’S BOOK REVIEW: Being Frank, by Donna W. Earnhardt

We’ve had so many different family members visiting and other commitments lately, that several things have had to take a back seat. But somehow, in the midst of all of these activities, we’ve still been able to make it to the library each week. We have hit the jackpot several times recently, yet I am sorely behind on some book reviews that I’ve been meaning to share because of all that’s been going on.

So, without further ado, I want to tell you about Being Frank, written by Donna W. Earnhardt (she’s from North Carolina), and illustrated by Andrea Castellani (he’s from Italy). Published in late 2012, it has already earned some well-deserved recognition, something I especially love hearing when it is an author’s first book, like this one is. Not to mention, she’s a homeschooling mom so how the heck she also found time to write a book too makes it all the more impressive to me.

I happened to find Being Frank on the front shelf near the check-out desk, a place where each week the librarians feature a dozen or so books of varying age levels, usually with a common theme like baseball or winter. It was definitely the cover illustration that drew me in, and, after reading the jacket to see whether it was an intriguing book, I knew we had to take it home.

Here’s why: M is firmly in the age (5 ½) of stating her mind and offering her opinion (which is good), but does not always do so with the softened edges that older folks like us now know how to do (usually!). In fact, I now find myself telling her at least a few times a day, “it’s not what you’re saying, it’s how, you’re saying it.”  That is, it’s not her underlying message, it’s the delivery. And, in some ways, that’s a fine line to straddle because you want to raise assertive kids who are honest and feel confident about speaking up, but you don’t want to raise jerks either.

It all comes down to tactful honesty. And this notion is at the heart of Being Frank. Frank is, well, frank. His code is that honesty is the best policy. He tells it like it is to his parents and his friends, and it does not always go over well. I’m sure I am not alone when it comes to kids telling their parents just how wrinkled/grey/hairy/weird in those patterned pants they look, all with innocent hearts but all too stark honesty. And who wants to hear that their freckles look like “the Big Dipper”, that their toupee resembles “a pet weasel” or that they have “bad breath”? (examples from the book, not my real life…well, maybe one!) If only these honest cherubs could just soften the blow a little bit, no?

Frank learns this lesson when he starts to annoy his friends and family with his all-too-honest opinions, and his grandfather shows him a better way that does not require lying, which is what Frank is initially concerned with. Frank’s grandpa demonstrates—with his neighbor lady friend who wears the most outrageous hats and fishes for compliments from him—how you can communicate your opinions better if you just add a little “sugar” to them. The tone in the book is lighthearted and funny, and has the right dose of 5-year old humor. Like in the scene where the grandfather is clipping his toenails on the front porch and yells, “Incoming!” Ewww! M of course had belly laughs at that one while I was gagging. That, perhaps, is the sign of a good children’s book author . . . when the kids laugh and the parents are grossed out.

I think this book helped give a good outsider’s point of view to M as to what we mean when we tell her it’s not necessarily the message she’s trying to give, but the delivery that could use some work. It gives a bit of context seeing someone else struggle with the kind of thing that she is still trying to self-identify in herself.

A note about the illustrations too. They are super colorful, cheerful and humorous.  I am not probably going to describe this with any kind of technical correctness, but they are the kind of illustrations that are angular and often with exaggerated features (especially mouths). Personally, it’s not a style of illustration that I am normally drawn to, but it works very well for this story and I know of at least one kid who seems to love it. I look forward to seeing other projects from the illustrator in the future.

Overall rating: 5 out of 5 stars.

Copyright (c) 2013 Kristen M. Ploetz

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Nonplussed By Fashion Industry Language: An Open Letter

The impetus for today’s post is this article here on Huffington Post. I get that it (and other articles like it) is supposed to be an uplifting, “we’re making forward strides” kind of piece, and to a large extent, it is. But, ultimately, articles like this gnaw at me on some level because they make me question whether we really are making progress when it comes to describing women, particularly in media. This open letter is my response.

An Open Letter to Everyone Who Continues to Use the Word “Plus” When Describing Women (or Their Clothing) of a Certain Size:

Stop. Please, please stop. The use of the word “plus” to qualify (and quantify!) the size of a woman or the clothes she wears—it has got to stop.

I write this letter because I’m almost 40 and if I’m honest with myself, I am effortlessly a size 14 and with more discipline (read: no ice cream) a size 12. There, I said it out loud. Maybe a size 10 during a good span of consistent healthy eating and exercising, like right now. But I am well aware that 12 and 14 continue to lurk in the shadows of my running shoes and reveal themselves often. But I’m old enough to now know, accept and appreciate that there is a vast range of body sizes and shapes amongst us. I don’t need you or your ad copy to go out of your way to make the point.

I also write this letter because my daughter is 5 and a half years old. She is not yet aware that there are such adjectives used to describe the size of the female body or clothing. And, if you listen to me here, maybe she will never have to. Though it’s going to be hard as she soon grows out of her size 5 clothes. This size 6x that rests on the racks between 6 and 7—what exactly is that? Never mind, don’t tell me. I think I already know.

Think about it. “Plus” size. Plus what? Why do we use this kind of descriptor only when it comes to clothing size?

Correction: Women’s clothing size.

I’m not trying to suggest that there are not folks (like me) who are bigger than others. Of course there are. And of course you need to give sizes to things so we can find, order or buy them. It’s a range, like everything else. But considering the average size of women, why do we not instead call our sisters wearing sizes 0 (!?) to, say size 10, “minus-size” or “inferior-size”? I’ll tell you why, it’s because those sound silly. Just like “plus”.

And, while we’re on the subject, how can anyone even be a size 0? Zero is nothing. Nada. Zilch. So if there is a tag that says size 0 (or, insanity at its best, 00), why is there a pair of pants attached? What’s next? Size infinity with an endless bolt of fabric just clipped to the hanger? Don’t even get me started on vanity sizing. Though it does beg the question of what we’re even talking about anymore when it comes to size.

How come we don’t ever hear about “plus-size” male models? No, they are merely big (which can be equally offensive, in my opinion) or tall. How nice for them.

Let me make my point another way. We also don’t ever hear about “plus-melanin” skin or “plus-age” individuals, just to use two easy examples. Indeed, to do so would be derogatory and discriminatory because it inherently sets an arbitrary, if not idealistic, benchmark of what society and the media supposedly finds minimally (or maximally, as it were) acceptable. Maybe this particular point is best highlighted by the pomp and circumstance that is generated when an average sized woman makes the cover of a major fashion magazine, like today’s article on Huffington Post about the new Elle Quebec cover featuring Justine LeGault. Don’t get me wrong. I love that she is on the cover. LOVE. How can anyone not?—she is stunning. But I don’t care for the singling out that often ensues because of her size.

Or what about the fact that plus size clothing is too often sold in different sections of a store, or a different store altogether, even though the women who wear all of these clothes collectively gather and mingle together as friends and family. Or how about the cutesy ads and reminders from retailers that they have the latest trends in “my size” too. The size of a woman or her shirt shouldn’t be newsworthy nor should it be exiled to the far corners of retail shopping with pejorative labels.

If these women are truly models, then, by definition, they are simply meant to display clothing to prospective buyers like me. Buyers of all sizes. Under that definition, we should be able to see, on a regular, uneventful basis, women with whom we might just as easily share clothes. Certainly not all of the time, but enough of the time so that it is mainstream. Prospective buyers want to know how those dresses and pants will look on them, not some unattainable, unrealistic ideal. But by rarely using anything other than smaller sized models, media and the fashion industry are turning these models into an ideal. An ideal that the rest of us cannot relate to. An ideal that ultimately causes the unnecessary media frenzy when a larger woman makes the front page.

Here’s a thought. Focus your energy on selling and showcasing beautiful clothes and models—in all sizes. Describe the fabrics and the handcrafted details of the dress on the cover. Tell me about where the model is from and what she loves to do on the weekends. I don’t need you to add in whether or not she is “plus” size, I can take note (if I choose) all by myself, thank you very much. But please, above all else, stop using the word “plus” and patting yourselves and each other on the back when an average-size (or ANY size) woman is featured on a cover. It makes a spectacle out of the models and the rest of us women like her, including, quite possibly, my daughter someday.

Copyright (c) 2013 Kristen M. Ploetz

 

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Twenty-Five Thursdays: Number Seven

M seems to be in a bit of a growth spurt. This is already her third meal of the day and it’s only 10AM. Apples and toast with jam, for both of us. I love the way little kids eat something they really like. With gusto, without abandon. I love the little jam faces that ensue. It reminds me of how young she still really is because she can get away with it and not be self-conscious when she eats like so many of us adults are. Soundtrack: open window with sparrows in a heated debate about who gets to perch in the shrub underneath, too many noisy airplanes (pitfall of living in a travel lane to Logan!), two lawnmowers letting us know that spring is officially here to stay, and M’s endless questions while we eat, like this one just now: Are there any people who don’t have heads?  Love our jam sessions!

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Copyright (c) 2013 Kristen M. Ploetz

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Twenty-Five Thursdays: Number Six (late edition)

I am late in posting this week’s photos because I knew there was going to be one or two that I would be taking at M’s school’s art show last night. It was so great, seeing these young artists (3-6 year olds) showcasing a few special art projects they have all been working on in earnest these past few weeks. The kids’ energy and enthusiasm was contagious. Each classroom was set up as a gallery (where parents could “bid” a dollar and put a “SOLD” tag on any piece we wanted to keep).  None of us parents had seen any of these works before. I loved every minute. Soundtrack: a cacophony of oohs and aahs by parents, and squeals and laughter of children nearing bedtime on a gorgeous spring night.

To know M is to know she doesn’t really like to get her hands messy. In the dirt, in the garden, usually yes. But slimy or full of glue or paint, no way. She’s been like this since she was born. So to see this “string bowl”—which uses copious amounts of glue, and not surprisingly, pushed her to slightly uncomfortable limits, according to her teacher—is to see a side of her growing and learning to handle more and more on her own, without us there.

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Eric Carle inspired works by the kids. Oh, how M loves cats. Always a staple in her work.

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Hands down, my favorite piece: her self-portrait.  I wish I could share the rest of the kids’ portraits because they are truly stunning given that they are just 5 and 6 year olds. But out of a respect for privacy, I can only let you imagine how wonderful they were.

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And, a bit about the artist and her point of view. I had tears in my eyes when reading all of the artists’ bios. The creativity and innocence combined just brought me back to center after a few months of hearing too much tragedy.

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Copyright (c) 2013 Kristen M. Ploetz

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The World Through a 5 Year Old’s Rose (Blush) Colored Glasses

It’s sometimes challenging to be the parent of a young girl, at least in the context of balancing things like wearing make-up (which I do, minimally), beauty and self-esteem. Especially when you read stories like this.

I’ve written about this topic before, about a year and a half ago, when M had just turned 4. Since that time, looks and make-up have not really come up too many times, though I have noticed a slight uptick in recent weeks. Wanting to wear certain kinds of shoes because of what some of the other girls are wearing. Not wanting to wear her hair in pigtail braids (after she had just begged me at home to make them) when she arrives at school and sees that everyone is wearing their hair down and in sparkly headbands that day (she owns one, but hates wearing it, and so never does). M has always preferred the comfort of plain cotton clothing like leggings with loose long sleeved t-shirts, but her peers tend to wear things like jeans, puckery or flowy shirts, skirts with layers of ruffles and polyester tights (which she also owns, but hates wearing them, and so they stay cloistered in her drawers). The internal tension between her comfort zone and doing what everyone else is doing is palpable some mornings.

But looks do seem to be on her mind more lately. Here’s an example from just this morning, while I was putting on some mascara and blush after my shower:

M: Why do you wear mascara?

Me: Because as you get older, sometimes your eyelashes thin out and you want them to look longer and fuller.

M: Why?

Me: (trying to find the answer that will be honest but not plant any more weed seeds about accepting yourself only if you conform to society’s [the media's] ideals) Well, I guess it can sometimes make you feel even more beautiful than you already are. So, I guess that’s why.

M: But they’re not really any longer or fuller.

Thank you, M, for pointing that out.

She then proceeded to tell me about this woman she saw in Great Cuts last weekend (where she gets her hair cut–her dad takes her for those appointments):

M: Mom, last week I saw this super posh lady at Great Cuts. She had really dark red lipstick, really red cheeks and lots of eyeshadow. She was so posh! [can you tell we've been reading some Fancy Nancy books lately?] She was old and had lots of wrinkles around her mouth, but I didn’t tell her that.

I didn’t know how to respond to that, but I all could envision in my mind was her:

And then she went on to tell me that today I am looking like a dinosaur. Not because of my age (I think) but because my hair, apparently, is spiky in the back. So just call me Stegosaurus.

Today’s brief beauty discourse reminded me of two separate but closely timed exchanges that happened over the weekend.

First, what she said to me as we were snuggling on the couch one morning, and she was looking at my face:

Mommy, you have a moustache. It’s really thick. It’s like a MAN’S!!!! Did you know you have a moustache?

At which point I went upstairs and reacquainted myself with one Ms. Sally Hansen.

Then, she said this to her dad, while he was contemplating out loud whether or when to shave off the beard he’s grown since the fall and go back to just a goatee for the summer:

No, Daddy, don’t shave it off! Then you won’t look like Daddy.

Seems to me as though there is some facial (hair) discrimination going on around here.

But it all just made me think, that this girl, the one who likes to pretend to put on blush with the glitter on greeting cards she receives, is reaching this next level, if you will, of figuring out what beauty is. Of what is acceptable. I find it a little jarring for her to be entering this stage.

When it comes to makeup, depending on the age, it seems to be about trying to accelerate time, stop time or go back in time. Is it more about how something makes you feel inside rather than how others view you? For me, probably yes and no, as evidenced by the fact that I was fine living with my ‘stache staring me down every morning . . . that is, until I was inspected by Revlon’s future CEO.

And is it more about hiding our “flaws” or accentuating our “gifts”? Is it to show the world that we are “trying” or, at my age at least, have not “given up”? Yes, it’s fun, I haven’t lost sight of that part of it. And I think that is still ultimately the draw for M right now. The forbidden fruit-flavored lip gloss, if you will. She looked at that lady in Great Cuts and likely thought, “Wow, she gets to wear as much makeup as she wants and no one tells her no!”

But again, when we are making the all-too-fast ascent toward the double digit ages where romantic love and self-love, confidence and self-acceptance will all be intertwined on some level with how she views herself, and how she decides to weigh the importance of how others view her, it’s becoming a permanent fixture on my radar.  This is the time that I have to perhaps be most aware of the seeds that I and the rest of us are planting in young minds like hers, and give her the tools that will help her weed out the invasive, thorny messages she receives along the way. Though I do find some solace in the exchange that took place right before the mascara conversation:

Me: Put down those tweezers, they’re sharp, trust me.

M: (sarcastically) Oh don’t worry, Mama, I’ll trust you until I’m fifteen.

Yes. Exactly what I’m afraid of.

Copyright (c) 2013 Kristen M. Ploetz

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